Category Archives: Divorce

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THE LOVE MYSTERY

I would like to apologise for the delayig blogging, I have been experiencing severe technical errors. Last week I completed the whole writing process and the system refused to publish.

Love is one of the most popular words and topics in life. It becomes more of a central feature of life. From birth we want, long and year for love. Most songs and poems are about love. Yet most people that are hurt, in mental hospitals, sick, depressed and even dead the main cause is love.

There is one thing a friend of mine said to me, which touched my heart, he said before you say you love someone else, learn to love yourself. #SELF-LOVE.

Ask yourself this question, ‘do I love myself’. I grew up amongst a lot children at home, and all we strived for was to be loved. We had issues of who was mom’s favourite, who was dad’s favourite which led to nothing but bitterness, strife, contentions etc.

In this quest for love we forget to halt and learn to love ourselves. We look at people to love us, yet due to lack of self-love, we fail to receive love for we haven’t mastered it within.

I do not want to say much, but will expand on my next blog. For now I want to bait a challenge: DO YOU LOVE YOYRSELF/ HAVE YOU LEARNT TO LOVE YOURSELF. #SELF-LOVE?

  • What if people love you but you keep rejecting them?
  • What if you blame anyone else yet you are the one who can’t receive love?
  • What if people don’t really love you, don’t you think loving yourself will make a difference?
  • What if loving yourself is all that matters?
  • Have you ever admired yourself before others do?

I will greatly appreciate your comments but above all , let’s start loving ourselves. The only way to learn to love ourselves is, by first connecting to the source of love. I love me for me , how about you?

Please download my book Open the word faith by Nolundi Mamfengu online http://publishers.Grashyo.co.za/index.php/product/open-the-word-faith-e-book

The picture of the book appears on my profile. If you experience any difficulties downloading please inform me. You can also obtain a hardcopy at Adams booksellers. God bless you as you buy

 


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download from : http://publishers.grashyo.co.za/index.php/product/open-word-faith-e-book/

Church and divorce- Key points

Following on my last blog, ‘church and divorce’ I would like to just add key points:

Find a good church

There will definitely be challenges in the church. As Christians we are bound to go through trials and tribulations so we produce the fruit of the spirit.

When you go through these hardships endure until the for you will be rewarded at the end.

If you are to leave ask for a blessing or at least hand in a resignation letter.

I urge leaders to release people when they decide to leave.

If as a leader you are not in agreement with the resignation of a member at least advise the member as a son and release them if it comes to a push.

I urge leaders to mentor the sons and don’t hold them when they are called to start their own ministries.

Proper systems have to be put in place regarding movement of members, it’s of great help in shaping the image of the church in the society, spiritual growth of the members and or the structuring the church.

Disconnecting from churches hurts more like divorce.

My next blog will be on ‘LOVE’ please don’t miss it. 

My birthday is in few hours from now(15 March)

Please do get a copy of my book at Adams booksellers Durban South Africa and on ebooks

Http://publishers@grashyo.co.za/index.php/product/open-the-word-faith-e-books/

The book cover has a green tree with red fruit. The author is Nolundi Mamfengu


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Church and divorce

FAITH STANDS WHEN ALL FOUNDATIONS ARE SHAKENWhilst still on the subject of physical divorce, let us take a quick glance on spiritual divorce. People in nowadays move from one church to the other. Regardless the reasons, this affects the church directly and indirectly. I grew up as a Methodist and I recall when you were to relocate/ transfer or move to another church youwere required to obtain  a remove/testimonial from the church you are vacating. This made the work of the leadership easier since the testimonial would have information regarding the moving believerl, which will guide the leaders even on the spiritual level of that particular believer. This might sound very much of a tradition but it worked, but I do not mean it was without flaws. Imagine if I leave my church already an elder or a deacon and when I get to the new church, there has to be a struggle of adaptation with noone aware of my capabilities and incapabilities. You find that some people suffocate within the church. This spiritual divorce has become no different from marriage divorce. Mind you, you were joined into that particular body of Christ and for whatever reasons you are now detached to join another body. Am I saying people should stay in a church that is of no benefit to them, absolutely not. What I encourage is that you will have challenges at church and wherever possible, endure and move out if really there is a push. Also I encourage churches to have proper systems in place on how to receive people more especially those that are from churches or have been members of the church. The church is full of wounded soldiers, people that got hurt from one church and moved to the other with open wounds. Wounds that never get healed. Sometimes we are happy that our churches are full but we don’t know what it is full of. These people are suffering the same pain divorced people suffer. At some stage I was angry with God for what happened in my life. I am not proud of this, but it’s a fact. My anger was directed to God. I couldn’t stay away from church then my prayer was; Lord may I find a church where nobody will even ask me of my name and indeed it happened. I stayed in that church for years, coming in and going out. It didn’t make my pain better but I got worse by day. I did things that hurt me even more. I started indulging on sin for nobody knew who I was.spiritual divorce is tarnishing the image of the church as some of the disconnected individuals begin to spread false doctrines. I understand some people relocate or are even directed by Holy spirit to move to another church. But at least resign and be released so you go out with a blessing. What really hurts is when people move out and keep moving around without control. Let the leaders learn to release people when they decide to move. If and when as a leader you are not in agreement with the the members decision , advise them acvordingly, if they insist release them like the prodigal son. Do not curse them, who knows they might reconsider and come back. I strongly believe that if your leader has trusted you with a flock, and there is a sudden mmisunderstading which pushes you to leave, give back the keys and the flock for, surely it does not belong to you. I know people that are called that their leaders refuse to release and I know people that felt they were called and went out prematurely irrespective of warnings. We need to be sincere and understand the purpose of the church. We are in a race, but it is a relay not a competition. Serving is not for personal gain but for the perfection of the church and working of our Christ like character. HOPE REMAINS FOR WE KNOW CHRIST IS PERFECTING HIS BRIDE ( THE CHURCH)


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Consequences of divorce

book also available online : grashyo.co.za

Just keep your faith

I have spoken or even counselled people that have problems in their relationships. I have noticed that someone will come to me merely for ease of consciousness but I have vowed that I will never advise anyone to choose divorce as a solution.

What happens to someone who is being abused, beaten up daily? Should she/he stay there until killed? No, absolutely no!
Nowadays people are quick to divorce. Every marriage will somewhat go true shaking.
If you think it is hot in your marriage, take time and think about being single again.
Some of the consequences include: rejection, identity crisis etc
I personally can say I triumphed over divorce but most pain came through rejection. No matter how much you can explain why you opted out, people don’t forgive you. They are always ready to make conclusions from your mistakes, fates, mishaps etc , then you hear someone say ” that’s why your/her husband left her/you. I remember this time at work  someone complimented me and the other lady turned and said ” if she ( referring to me) has a good heart then why can’t he keep men”. If you happen to remarry the man , your new husband is most likely to refer your mistakes to your past.

The society at large does not forgive divorce. The bible says God hates divorce. My interpretation of that scripture is that, God is more concerned about our well being, Jeremiah 29:11. Church looks at divorce as sin. God forgives sin. But as a loving father He is more concerned about what divorce does to His children.

Think about when you have to start all over again in life. One day you are Mrs the following day you are Miss. This is worse with our traditions where people are classified according to their marital status. In traditional functions you either married , widowed or single there is no inbetween. The religious denominations stigmatise you. Divorced people face rejection all the time , having to justify themselves all the time. You meet people who will still refer to you as married , then justification faces you and it is hard to separate it from condemnation.

Think about loneliness, vulnerability, manipulation etc. These are the consequences of divorce.  Whilst still hurting it is easier to resort to remain single but as you heal and years advance you need companionship. All men of your age will be married. the ones who approach perhaps want to take advantage of you in the form of adultery and fornication…..

 

To be continued


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Divorce and the divorced

It is 16 days of activisimn against women and child abuse. My take on the subject is that, we need to start to look at the roots and try as far as possible to deal with the roots so we can conquer the tree.

I was in an abusive relationship, beaten up for petty things like why I gave such a glance. The man that abused me came from an abusive home where the mother ended up divorcing the man. The man was not a biological father to my X. He sexually molested him and it even had health effects on him.

My X got born again but surely he did not go through any counselling or rather did not disclose and deal with his childhood wounds. And there he was married to me beating me up.

My point here is: at times we ignore how much damage divorce is doing in our society. How many people get affected by divorce. The children that are raised by divorced parents grow up bitter and tend to be abusive. Some of them, even before the parents resort to divorce, the environment at their homes is usually not peaceful, parents are forever fighting. Please note, that the children are growing in such environment and it is said, ‘,children learn what they live’.

I strongly believe that any abused person becomes abusive whether consiously or not. How does he/she come abusive: imagine everyday your thoughts are all about fighting and how you are going to defend yourself. Remember you are what you think, out of the abundance of your heart your mouth speaks, and what you meditate on you will do. As much as you are the victim but all your thoughts get shaped in fighting, so you become a fighter.

Divorce is something that we should not ignore. I believe everyone has a role to play to calm this disease. Firstly we need to acknowledge the negative impact it has in our society. You might have your family all strong and peaceful but your child goes and marries someone who is a divorce victim, then you start suffering the divorce effects.

This goes for spiritual divorce as well. We are at a situation where people move from church to church and we never make a effort to deal with the causes of that. We ignore how much damage this spiritual divorce is doing in the church of God.

When one is married and things are not going well it is easy to find divorce as a solution, but no one thinks about the consequences. When you have problems in your church denomination it is easier to think of leaving but no one thinks of the consequences.

Divorce hurts more than people think. On my next blog I want us to outline some consequences of divorce on both physical and spiritual divorce.

In psalm 51 David repents of his sin and he says he will tell the sinners of the effect of sin. For us that have been through divorce it’s time we arise and raise the awareness. Breaking a covenant and breaking a promise are two different things.

 

May the Lord bless you as you read, may you take time to ponder on the subject and above all may you do something towards stopping divorce.


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