Healing the internal wounds

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Healing the internal wounds

healing the inside wounds

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I was reminded of a day I took a trip to a town called Alice. I travelled by bus from city of Durban which is ten hours trip to the destination.

A very restless young girl sat next to me. I kept wondering why she was that restless. She was quite a talkative type. At the first station she went outside and I saw her smoking cigarette and she came inside the bus quickly and took tablets. She repeated this routine at the following station, but I didn’t have courage to ask her what was going on.

They switched the air conditioner off in the bus, then I started picking up a funny smell which was getting stronger and stronger and I was getting really uncomfortable to an extent of covering my noses. This young girl then said to me, ‘ you must be wondering what is smelling’. ‘Of course yes’, I replied.

She pulled up her pants on one of her legs and showed me a wound behind, a size of a cup saucer. A deep wound! She then narrated the story of how she got deep vein thrombosis, having been in and out of hospitals for over two years the situation gets worse. She smokes to ease the pain and she lives on pain killers.

Wherever she is there is a stench. It is hard for her to be in public without making people uncomfortable. This happens with people with uhealed inner wounds. Hurt people hurt others. From my experience of abuse, the man who abused me had witnessed his mother being abused by his step father.

When we do not deal with issues we afford them an opportunity  to deal with us and make us bitter and miserable beings who make everyone around us miserable.

Do you know that person in your work place who causes trouble for everyone, when he or she shows up you know that peace will depart? That person has unhealed internal wounds.

I cannot over emphasize that nothing ever happens by chance in life. The pain you went through was meant to build you not break you. When your dad abused your mom and you saw the pain your mum experienced, why must you go and abuse your wife? This is because you never allow yourself to heal.

Healing comes from above, from the architect of our lives; the creator. For whatever happened to you was not meant for harm.

The first step to healing is admitting that you have a problem and you need help. Then you have to open up to someone and be able to pour out your heart. Buried secrets will destroy you.

Close the door and pray this prayer:

Father in heaven, I know that you LOVE me and you created me with good intentions and purpose. I come before you, and I ask you by your Holy Spirit to heal my inner wounds. I know that you are the only one who can make me whole. From today my life will never be the same again. Be the Lord of my body, soul and spirit. Take complete control of my emotions. I ask all this in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Amen

 


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LOVE MYSTERY- SINCERITY

Faith worketh by love

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I LOVE YOU! We all yearn to hear these words, even if it means hearing them ten times a day. Knowing you are loved makes you feel good but believing that you are loved is a different story. On the earlier blogs we mentioned that, most people that are hurt are hurt through love, mental hospitals are full of people that are hurt by love. It sounds like love hurts. Is love meant to hurt? Was love designed or purposed to hurt? It is said that the weakness of women is in their ears, once you say these words to a woman they retaliate in their mind. From hearing these words, one has a choice whether to believe them or not. Once you have believed them it is something else to un-believe. Sadly but true some use these words in vain, for their selfish and selfless gain leaving the one at the receiving end hurting. It is always easier to believe than to un-believe, trying to derail all you have believed to be true. Its a question of why do people lie? This is common on opposite sex relationships. Almost everyone on some way or other has been hurt by love. Again, is love meant to hurt? Lets go back again on self-love and agape love. If we can master these two love types I personally believe we will avoid much hurt. We throw ourselves to people when our instinct tells us they don’t love us, for we lack self-love. We want love from others when we haven’t mastered loving ourselves. We want love from others when we don’t believe that He who created us love us unconditionally. We tend to think others will fill this void in our hearts. As a divorcee and I believe many divorcees will agree with me that deep down in your heart, you knew that the person does not love you. No offence to women, but sometimes we don’t accept that men have a right to pull out from a relationship. Whenever a man realizes you are not the right person for them, what are they supposed to do? Dr Taki Dube once said, ‘is better to break a promise than break a covenant’

Points to ponder:

If you were dumped self-love says : I was too good for him/her

Self love says: I’m fearfully and wonderfully made

Agape love says: my maker loves me unconditionally

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Faith worketh by love

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THE LOVE MYSTERY

Faith worketh by love

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NEW POST

 

I will be writing a new post on Friday the 06/May/2016.

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Church and divorce- Key points

Following on my last blog, ‘church and divorce’ I would like to just add key points:

Find a good church

There will definitely be challenges in the church. As Christians we are bound to go through trials and tribulations so we produce the fruit of the spirit.

When you go through these hardships endure until the for you will be rewarded at the end.

If you are to leave ask for a blessing or at least hand in a resignation letter.

I urge leaders to release people when they decide to leave.

If as a leader you are not in agreement with the resignation of a member at least advise the member as a son and release them if it comes to a push.

I urge leaders to mentor the sons and don’t hold them when they are called to start their own ministries.

Proper systems have to be put in place regarding movement of members, it’s of great help in shaping the image of the church in the society, spiritual growth of the members and or the structuring the church.

Disconnecting from churches hurts more like divorce.

My next blog will be on ‘LOVE’ please don’t miss it. 

My birthday is in few hours from now(15 March)

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Church and divorce

FAITH STANDS WHEN ALL FOUNDATIONS ARE SHAKENWhilst still on the subject of physical divorce, let us take a quick glance on spiritual divorce. People in nowadays move from one church to the other. Regardless the reasons, this affects the church directly and indirectly. I grew up as a Methodist and I recall when you were to relocate/ transfer or move to another church youwere required to obtain  a remove/testimonial from the church you are vacating. This made the work of the leadership easier since the testimonial would have information regarding the moving believerl, which will guide the leaders even on the spiritual level of that particular believer. This might sound very much of a tradition but it worked, but I do not mean it was without flaws. Imagine if I leave my church already an elder or a deacon and when I get to the new church, there has to be a struggle of adaptation with noone aware of my capabilities and incapabilities. You find that some people suffocate within the church. This spiritual divorce has become no different from marriage divorce. Mind you, you were joined into that particular body of Christ and for whatever reasons you are now detached to join another body. Am I saying people should stay in a church that is of no benefit to them, absolutely not. What I encourage is that you will have challenges at church and wherever possible, endure and move out if really there is a push. Also I encourage churches to have proper systems in place on how to receive people more especially those that are from churches or have been members of the church. The church is full of wounded soldiers, people that got hurt from one church and moved to the other with open wounds. Wounds that never get healed. Sometimes we are happy that our churches are full but we don’t know what it is full of. These people are suffering the same pain divorced people suffer. At some stage I was angry with God for what happened in my life. I am not proud of this, but it’s a fact. My anger was directed to God. I couldn’t stay away from church then my prayer was; Lord may I find a church where nobody will even ask me of my name and indeed it happened. I stayed in that church for years, coming in and going out. It didn’t make my pain better but I got worse by day. I did things that hurt me even more. I started indulging on sin for nobody knew who I was.spiritual divorce is tarnishing the image of the church as some of the disconnected individuals begin to spread false doctrines. I understand some people relocate or are even directed by Holy spirit to move to another church. But at least resign and be released so you go out with a blessing. What really hurts is when people move out and keep moving around without control. Let the leaders learn to release people when they decide to move. If and when as a leader you are not in agreement with the the members decision , advise them acvordingly, if they insist release them like the prodigal son. Do not curse them, who knows they might reconsider and come back. I strongly believe that if your leader has trusted you with a flock, and there is a sudden mmisunderstading which pushes you to leave, give back the keys and the flock for, surely it does not belong to you. I know people that are called that their leaders refuse to release and I know people that felt they were called and went out prematurely irrespective of warnings. We need to be sincere and understand the purpose of the church. We are in a race, but it is a relay not a competition. Serving is not for personal gain but for the perfection of the church and working of our Christ like character. HOPE REMAINS FOR WE KNOW CHRIST IS PERFECTING HIS BRIDE ( THE CHURCH)


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Consequences of divorce

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Just keep your faith

I have spoken or even counselled people that have problems in their relationships. I have noticed that someone will come to me merely for ease of consciousness but I have vowed that I will never advise anyone to choose divorce as a solution.

What happens to someone who is being abused, beaten up daily? Should she/he stay there until killed? No, absolutely no!
Nowadays people are quick to divorce. Every marriage will somewhat go true shaking.
If you think it is hot in your marriage, take time and think about being single again.
Some of the consequences include: rejection, identity crisis etc
I personally can say I triumphed over divorce but most pain came through rejection. No matter how much you can explain why you opted out, people don’t forgive you. They are always ready to make conclusions from your mistakes, fates, mishaps etc , then you hear someone say ” that’s why your/her husband left her/you. I remember this time at work  someone complimented me and the other lady turned and said ” if she ( referring to me) has a good heart then why can’t he keep men”. If you happen to remarry the man , your new husband is most likely to refer your mistakes to your past.

The society at large does not forgive divorce. The bible says God hates divorce. My interpretation of that scripture is that, God is more concerned about our well being, Jeremiah 29:11. Church looks at divorce as sin. God forgives sin. But as a loving father He is more concerned about what divorce does to His children.

Think about when you have to start all over again in life. One day you are Mrs the following day you are Miss. This is worse with our traditions where people are classified according to their marital status. In traditional functions you either married , widowed or single there is no inbetween. The religious denominations stigmatise you. Divorced people face rejection all the time , having to justify themselves all the time. You meet people who will still refer to you as married , then justification faces you and it is hard to separate it from condemnation.

Think about loneliness, vulnerability, manipulation etc. These are the consequences of divorce.  Whilst still hurting it is easier to resort to remain single but as you heal and years advance you need companionship. All men of your age will be married. the ones who approach perhaps want to take advantage of you in the form of adultery and fornication…..

 

To be continued


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A PROMISE

I made a promise to blog on divorce this month and I shall keep it!

There are many that are hurting out there, going through the pain noone seems to understand. We blame, we criticise, we judge them, we call them names but no one cares to understand their pain. Divorce hurts and it does more than people perceive. The stigma, the rejection…! Do we need a pat in the shoulder? No! All we need is the society to be emphathic then together we can

Hang in there

Hang in there

fight this disease. Only when the society comes to realise that it does not only hurt the individuals involved but it hurts

the whole society. How does it hurt the society? It is a question to ponder on! How does it affect the society? To be continued…….

 

 


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Faith worketh by love

Introduction to Open The Word Faith

Introduction

Book_Cover_Layout -Nolundi mamfenguOne day I was busy at Jimmy Carter project, which was a building project____ building low cost houses for the people when I received a call from the bank. It was one of those long sales calls and they sell you a product you end up buying just to get them off your back. I purchased a funeral policy and they started deducting the money but I was not sure of the benefits or whatsoever. After a while, I felt that it was waste of money because I had life cover and I decided in my heart to cancel it.

It was then that one day I just fell off to sleep and a voice spoke to me, ‘If you cancel the policy you will be a disgrace because your father is going to die’. I woke up devastated and scared. Growing up, my father was diabetic so we were too used to him being in and out of hospital, but he took good care of himself, though I must say, he was very prompt with his diet and medication. I checked with my parents and he was well but I had no doubt that what the voice had said to me was true.

I prayed and fasted. I was then reminded of the story Ezekiel who when he was sick turned towards the wall and prayed to God to grant him more days Isaiah 38:1-5 in those days Hezekiah was sick and near death. And Isaiah the prophet, the son of Amoz, went to him and said to him ‘thus says the Lord: Set your house in order, for you shall die and not live’. Then Hezekiah turned his face toward the wall and prayed to the Lord, and said ‘remember now oh Lord, I pray how I have walked before You in truth and with a loyal heart, and have done what is good in your sight.’ And Hezekiah wept bitterly. And the word of the Lord came to Isaiah, saying, go and tell Hezekiah , ‘Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father ‘ I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears, surely I will add to your days fifteen years.


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