Category Archives: Inspiraional Stories

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Healing the internal wounds

healing the inside wounds


I was reminded of a day I took a trip to a town called Alice. I travelled by bus from city of Durban which is ten hours trip to the destination.

A very restless young girl sat next to me. I kept wondering why she was that restless. She was quite a talkative type. At the first station she went outside and I saw her smoking cigarette and she came inside the bus quickly and took tablets. She repeated this routine at the following station, but I didn’t have courage to ask her what was going on.

They switched the air conditioner off in the bus, then I started picking up a funny smell which was getting stronger and stronger and I was getting really uncomfortable to an extent of covering my noses. This young girl then said to me, ‘ you must be wondering what is smelling’. ‘Of course yes’, I replied.

She pulled up her pants on one of her legs and showed me a wound behind, a size of a cup saucer. A deep wound! She then narrated the story of how she got deep vein thrombosis, having been in and out of hospitals for over two years the situation gets worse. She smokes to ease the pain and she lives on pain killers.

Wherever she is there is a stench. It is hard for her to be in public without making people uncomfortable. This happens with people with uhealed inner wounds. Hurt people hurt others. From my experience of abuse, the man who abused me had witnessed his mother being abused by his step father.

When we do not deal with issues we afford them an opportunity  to deal with us and make us bitter and miserable beings who make everyone around us miserable.

Do you know that person in your work place who causes trouble for everyone, when he or she shows up you know that peace will depart? That person has unhealed internal wounds.

I cannot over emphasize that nothing ever happens by chance in life. The pain you went through was meant to build you not break you. When your dad abused your mom and you saw the pain your mum experienced, why must you go and abuse your wife? This is because you never allow yourself to heal.

Healing comes from above, from the architect of our lives; the creator. For whatever happened to you was not meant for harm.

The first step to healing is admitting that you have a problem and you need help. Then you have to open up to someone and be able to pour out your heart. Buried secrets will destroy you.

Close the door and pray this prayer:

Father in heaven, I know that you LOVE me and you created me with good intentions and purpose. I come before you, and I ask you by your Holy Spirit to heal my inner wounds. I know that you are the only one who can make me whole. From today my life will never be the same again. Be the Lord of my body, soul and spirit. Take complete control of my emotions. I ask all this in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Amen



Raising up a child as a single parent always leave you with suspense of what your child really thinks of the situation.

I always remind my daughter of fathers that are available but cannot even provide for their children purposely.

Life, just like a house has a unique plan. My life plan is different from yours. When one builds they choose whether they build by straws, stone, bricks etc. The material you use determines the value of the house.

The architectures draw the plans and inspect if you are building according to the plan. Whether your parents died on an accident or you have the wealthiest parents is still part of your life plan.

Pain is part of life and you can never avoid it. Many people end up on substance abuse/ drugs just to escape or ease pain. Whatever it is that is happening in your life today, it is part of your life journey and it is not there to kill you but tobprepare you for your destiny.

In the previous blog I made example of people who are successful business man but were selling sweets at school. Some people were a mockery and victims of bullies at school because of their bodies but today they are top models.

Some people look like their fathers and resort to change their sexuality because they want to ease the pain. Some people are even addicted to porn because they want to fill the void inside them.

Have you ever seen someone who drinks alcohol to drown their sorrows, but as soon as they are drunk they start crying and mourning about the same sorrows they were drinking to drown.

Escapism is not a solution. Face your pain because it is not there to kill you but it is a detour or a sharp curve leading you to your destiny. If you think you are too ugly, it is time you start using your ugliness to your benefit. The architect knows that even a broken brick is needed in the corner of a building. If you think you are useless or failure , think again.

Life is a precious gift from the creator and pain is the building block of life. Have you ever noticed that the language of an infant is crying. When they are hungry they cry and you attend to them. The first thing the baby does at birth is; cry.

It is time that you find the purpose of your rejection. There has sprung up a generation which can’t bear pain. If you scold them they go on drugs or commit suicide. Pain is part of life, pain has purpose and nothing ever happens by chance no matter how bad it is.

Do you remember that dumb student from your class who has PHD today? He took failure positively and learnt to work hard and never give up.

Some women hate their monthlys such that they use pills to stop it. Why would the creator allow women to go through such pain every month? Do you think it is a mistake? No!

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It has been long since I have written a blog. I engaged on a revamp project and there were a lot of obstacles. Irrespective of those obstacles, the good news is: my book is now available from my website. Please support me by purchasing the book. Go to ‘menu’ click on ‘sPhoto(11)lhop’, then ‘add to cart’and follow instructions.

Problems, obstacles, hindrances, pain, disappointment etc all sound negative but they are part of life. In fact they the building blocks of life.

Everyone has a story and each story is different and unique in it’s own way. It was never the aim of the creator that we go through pain, therefore He ensures to undertake for us.

In every challenge that we go through there is always a lesson to be learnt. One of famous Bishop TD Jakes’ teachings “Nothing just happens” unpacks secrets of life.

One of the greatest African entrepreneurs Strive Masiyiwa used to sell sweets at school, but today he is one of the greatest entrepreneurs.

When life seems harsh, you must know that it is shaping you for greater things. Some people grow up in tin houses only to turnout to be great builders and end up owning construction companies.

You might say, I grew up without my dad or I don’t know my parents, I went to bed hungry etc, but if you look closer in the situation there is a lesson life was teaching you.

When we grew up we were always a mockery in our area due to how my dad treated us; like boys. He never used to hire a painter. He would get us to paint the house. When we were moved into a new area, we were given land that hardly had any soil but rather more rocky. My dad made us get the soil and fill in the holes. A complete public spectacle! But the same land that everyone despised is now green and everyone asks for few acres. Now we have more than enough land in an area we were issued because it looked useless.

Life can be rough and unfair but you can turn it to gold and even platinum. I assure you of this; the purpose of every pain is purification ; just as gold goes through fire before becoming gold.

Now drugs, alcohol, bitterness, murmuring etc won’t help you. Close the door and ask your maker what to do with the situation. You will be surprised his much ideas you will come out with. He said He will pour His spirit upon all flesh. What looks like is there to kill you, is your ticket to success.

In conclusion; I want to tell you that I was very intelligent in school. I didn’t know what was to fail. The people that were not so good in class some of them are professors today because failure taught them to work hard and never give up. Me, on the other side, when I saw fail for the first time I thought of suicide.




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Faith is answer

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People commit suicide all the time and in most cases they do not leave suicide note, which leaves family and friends devastated. Sadly but true, because the person would be dead nobody can ask them any questions.They leave family and friends with guilt and condemnation.I have done some research, asked a few people mostly young people about the subject. I basically asked them whether they ever thought of killing themselves or not. Most of them answered no, but others said yes.Todd B. Kashdan PHD physiology today, says suicidal people acquire this capability from for example, playing violent extreme sport, body piercing, shooting guns, fights etc. I agree with him to a certain extent though. Because I worked for police force and I have witnessed police killing themselves through suicide, where they would shoot themselves. Mentalhealth lists 15 causes of suicide but for now I want to share my personal story. I will refer to the research on my next blog.


I grew up as a quiet child, I was never angry, hated fights and all I wanted was peace. No matter how much I was offended I would never burst into anger. I was very forgiving and understanding. But I always had sadness deep inside me, I felt like nobody loved me. I would have imaginations of rejection where I would see myself homeless, or having an accident and die. One of the things that would trigger this feeling was how my dad treated me differetly from other kids. I did not know the reason then. I have shared this as introduction on my book, ‘OPEN THE WORD FAITH’.

I never shared these feeling with anyone. I got saved , I started preaching and mainly my message was exhortation , encouraging people to press on in life. As much as I was spirit filled when I was deeply hurt, I used to wish to die, even when I already had a child I never thought of, who would take of my child if I die. I would want to kill myself but then , think about hell. This one time they had a discussion about this topic on a Christian radio programme whether, if one has commited suicide will go to heaven or not. The conclusion was more like , yes he/she will go to heaven. There, they eased my conscious.

Then I happened to be in an abusive relationship. This oneday I took tables and swallowed them, luckily I was seen and got rescued. They gave me milked to drink though I was not hospitalised I passed out the whole day. After that incident I tried killing myself about three times using bleach, but I never died.

I will elaborate more on the next blog. For now the point I want to make is: it takes time before anyone kill themselves. One meditates on this for a long time before doing it. These thought surmount until they reach a place where someone just do it, thats why usually there is no suicidal note. It is a scary thing to do. Sometimes you hope to be rescued. Parents please findout if your children ever have these thoughts. To someone who is suicidal, please take courage and share this with someone you trust, expose this spirit before it takes hold of you. Come on God created for a reason, if it wasnt so you would not be born. Life is worth a living. You might be experiencing problems, but problems are part of life journey. Please dont kill yourself. If you think noone loves you, at least

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remember, God loves you. You are beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made, created in His image. Please check the next blog in two weeks time.

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On the previous blog we emphasised self-love. There are different types of love, amongst them the chief one is agape love. This is a God kind of love. When you feel that noone loves you rest assured that God loves you and it is this confidence on being loved that helps you to love yourself and others. Self love sounds more like selfishness or self centeredness yet it’s not. Loving yourself must never be at the expense of others. When you look at yourself in the mirror and admire yourself, even when others don’t do it , that is self love. You might be a little ill-favoured but trust me it is for a reason, and that reason can be understood by understanding the agape love. When you understand the agape love then you know that you are not on earth by chance but by choice and God’s choice. You are on earth for a purpose. Irrespective of how and where you were born, you are still on earth by God’s purpose. Everything you are, that ill-favouredness is for a purpose, embrace it and find the purpose. How many people were a mockery at school because they were thin, yet today they are top models. How many allowed this mockery to tarnish their self-steem , ended up committing suicide. That which you think is meant to kill you, that which you think is a mistake is nothing but a VEHICLE transporting you to your destiny. The bible says in Jeremiah 1 ,before you were in your mothers womb I knew you. God did not make a mistake, you are definitely not a mistake nor a part of your body. You might say you are a rape child! Rape was a mistake but you are not a mistake, being in poverty is not a mistake it is just a VEHICLE to your destiny. One of the fastest runners was born in Africa and used to travel long distance to school, which trained him, enabling his muscles to stretch to the utmost. SELF -LOVE! Love yourself for you are unique, fearfully and wonderfully made. You were not born by chance but by God’s choice. Connect the agape love. Knowing that he loves you will help you love yourself. How about waking up every morning, looking at yourself in the mirror, admire yourself and thank God that He fearfully and wonderfully made you. Start appreciating the big nose, those big ears…



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To everyone that is supporting my blogs, I would like to pass my sincere appreciation. On the same note I want to apologise for features, I am experiencingg technical problems.

I have a book that is available online. The book is about how our faith gets challenged everyday. In everything that we do in life we need faith, which is like a force suitable to bring every action into motion. I adopt one of Newtons laws of motion and rephrase it this way ‘for every faith in action there is an equal but opposite challenge in reaction. Before you start a business for example, you don’t have guarantees of success inasmuch as you can do research and implement a good marketing strategy. Businesses fail irrespective! What really keeps everyone going in life is the hope that things will workout. The winds of life will always blow against us, but it is faith that keeps us going. It is faith that acts as a force that helps us overcome these challenges.

I layout some of the life challenges in this book. It is full of a message of hope, that will encourage you to keep on and don’t give up.

The book is available in South Africa- Durban at Adams book sellers, it is also available online

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Consequences of divorce

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I have spoken or even counselled people that have problems in their relationships. I have noticed that someone will come to me merely for ease of consciousness but I have vowed that I will never advise anyone to choose divorce as a solution.

What happens to someone who is being abused, beaten up daily? Should she/he stay there until killed? No, absolutely no!
Nowadays people are quick to divorce. Every marriage will somewhat go true shaking.
If you think it is hot in your marriage, take time and think about being single again.
Some of the consequences include: rejection, identity crisis etc
I personally can say I triumphed over divorce but most pain came through rejection. No matter how much you can explain why you opted out, people don’t forgive you. They are always ready to make conclusions from your mistakes, fates, mishaps etc , then you hear someone say ” that’s why your/her husband left her/you. I remember this time at work  someone complimented me and the other lady turned and said ” if she ( referring to me) has a good heart then why can’t he keep men”. If you happen to remarry the man , your new husband is most likely to refer your mistakes to your past.

The society at large does not forgive divorce. The bible says God hates divorce. My interpretation of that scripture is that, God is more concerned about our well being, Jeremiah 29:11. Church looks at divorce as sin. God forgives sin. But as a loving father He is more concerned about what divorce does to His children.

Think about when you have to start all over again in life. One day you are Mrs the following day you are Miss. This is worse with our traditions where people are classified according to their marital status. In traditional functions you either married , widowed or single there is no inbetween. The religious denominations stigmatise you. Divorced people face rejection all the time , having to justify themselves all the time. You meet people who will still refer to you as married , then justification faces you and it is hard to separate it from condemnation.

Think about loneliness, vulnerability, manipulation etc. These are the consequences of divorce.  Whilst still hurting it is easier to resort to remain single but as you heal and years advance you need companionship. All men of your age will be married. the ones who approach perhaps want to take advantage of you in the form of adultery and fornication…..


To be continued

Divorce and the divorced

It is 16 days of activisimn against women and child abuse. My take on the subject is that, we need to start to look at the roots and try as far as possible to deal with the roots so we can conquer the tree.

I was in an abusive relationship, beaten up for petty things like why I gave such a glance. The man that abused me came from an abusive home where the mother ended up divorcing the man. The man was not a biological father to my X. He sexually molested him and it even had health effects on him.

My X got born again but surely he did not go through any counselling or rather did not disclose and deal with his childhood wounds. And there he was married to me beating me up.

My point here is: at times we ignore how much damage divorce is doing in our society. How many people get affected by divorce. The children that are raised by divorced parents grow up bitter and tend to be abusive. Some of them, even before the parents resort to divorce, the environment at their homes is usually not peaceful, parents are forever fighting. Please note, that the children are growing in such environment and it is said, ‘,children learn what they live’.

I strongly believe that any abused person becomes abusive whether consiously or not. How does he/she come abusive: imagine everyday your thoughts are all about fighting and how you are going to defend yourself. Remember you are what you think, out of the abundance of your heart your mouth speaks, and what you meditate on you will do. As much as you are the victim but all your thoughts get shaped in fighting, so you become a fighter.

Divorce is something that we should not ignore. I believe everyone has a role to play to calm this disease. Firstly we need to acknowledge the negative impact it has in our society. You might have your family all strong and peaceful but your child goes and marries someone who is a divorce victim, then you start suffering the divorce effects.

This goes for spiritual divorce as well. We are at a situation where people move from church to church and we never make a effort to deal with the causes of that. We ignore how much damage this spiritual divorce is doing in the church of God.

When one is married and things are not going well it is easy to find divorce as a solution, but no one thinks about the consequences. When you have problems in your church denomination it is easier to think of leaving but no one thinks of the consequences.

Divorce hurts more than people think. On my next blog I want us to outline some consequences of divorce on both physical and spiritual divorce.

In psalm 51 David repents of his sin and he says he will tell the sinners of the effect of sin. For us that have been through divorce it’s time we arise and raise the awareness. Breaking a covenant and breaking a promise are two different things.


May the Lord bless you as you read, may you take time to ponder on the subject and above all may you do something towards stopping divorce.

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